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Ironically I could get us in by arrivingat the door, and I knew I could afford it. Strangely, I had no urge tocompete and say that I could get us in tomorrow. I knew that once upona time I would have jumped at the chance to show off and to impress,but I'd be trained by Mrs Milner in how to react to the masculine. Tomen really, but this was Hayley acting somewhat like a man.So I widened my eyes. "Really? You could get a table next week?" Yes, I can. Would you like me to?"I'd taken the 'inside man' out of the equation and placed theachievement squarely onto Hayley's shoulders, making her the centre ofmy attention. And she'd taken the acclaim, as modestly as any man."That's very impressive! I'd love to eat there."Hayley beamed. Usually a woman would have at some stage modestlydiverted the praise. This woman had an ego which she liked to havestroked. She poured out a bit more of the wine, happily filling bothour glasses. Our plates were emptying too, and I put down my. I almost remember when my wounds reopen and I allow myself to sink into blackness. Images drown me in the water that is now my home. A snippet of laughter, a soft kiss, a forgotten bit of sun. It is only the jeering of the gulls high above. There is sand in my mouth. A continent stretches behind me yet I do not look for others of my kind. I do not know if there are others like me. I spit out the sand and each grain turns into a dream before sinking back into the beach. I look towards the forest stretching in one direction, then my eyes turn back to the ocean. I yell at the gulls who won’t quit mocking me. I yell at the sky above and the endless water. I yell into eternity. No one answers. I am thirsty. A walk along the beach until I find a stream. It is a small blue ribbon snaking out from the woods until its essence is swallowed by the sea. It gives up its very existence to merge with the sea. I envy it a moment. When I take a drink I try to pull some of its soul into myself. I feel.
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